I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
