someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize