I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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