Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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