Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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