White coat. Heels.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So squirting runs in the family.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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