So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
