I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
