just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Randomize
