He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
