Kiss
Puke
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just want nice things and good sex
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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