thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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