I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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