why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
In America we eat man semen.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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