her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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