alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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