im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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