well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
