youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
