Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
