i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
