k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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