im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
