Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize