literally had 100 drinks last night.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
