Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
