Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
