is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
