ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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