and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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