opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
