It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize