i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
