Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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