I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
