i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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