we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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