Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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