I cannot find my penis.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
