In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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