I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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