Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
