I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize