Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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