There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
