Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
