Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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