So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
