Your dad touched me again.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
