Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
