went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
