im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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