I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
