it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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