Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
