the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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