Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
