can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
