I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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