I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
