we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
