That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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