You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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