btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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