I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
