He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
