you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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