I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
