were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
