peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
