I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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