he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize