OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
