I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Never underestimate the power of titties
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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