dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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