put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
