Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
did i just pee glitter
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
