The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
